Can arguments make a relationship stronger?



This may seem like an obvious answer to a simple question, arguments are unpleasant and bad and therefore could not possibly make a relationship stronger. But in reality, the short answer here is yes they can make a relationship stronger. Part of growing closer to another person is accomplished through getting to know that person better, and what better way to learn lots about them to to experience a deeply personal conversation with sincerely held beliefs?

Arguments aren’t always fun, but done fairly and kindly, they can help you grow closer too.

Why arguments are good

Arguments don’t always have to be this bad and hurtful thing, they can sometimes be the exact opposite. When most of us hear the word “argument” we likely tend to think of people shouting and yelling at one another, maybe there’s even some name calling and cursing. But an argument is just an exchange of diverging or opposite views; a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong. At its heart, an argument is an appeal to another person to make a change, either mentally or with actions. Arguments, in this sense, can be ways to appeal to the better nature in another person or discuss something that is deeply important to you that you want to share with your partner.

Why arguments are healthy

One reason arguments are so healthy for us as people is that we are all so very different from one another. Now, that may seem obvious at first, but the differences between us are part of what make us stronger and better. When we argue we talk about things that are important to us. Sometimes these things are small in the Big Picture of life, like “did you leave your dirty socks on the floor again?!” Other times the issues are more serious and personal, “why do you always act like your mother?!” But even these difficult conversations or sensitive topics reveal serious areas that we have serious questions. It’s not about the socks, but never taking care of your own mess tells your partner that you don’t care enough about. The hurtful comparisons to your mother might be connected to a fear of your relationship ending up like that relationship. The prompting to address things and grow is a healthy part of development in life and in relationships.

Why arguments are necessary

In order to make real progress in getting to know another human being, we will run into places where we don’t agree. This is normal and healthy and good for us to experience. The meeting of different ideas and opinions is the necessary framework to help us grow. How else could we manage to become better and different people if we were never challenged or forced to articulate how we felt about things?

Like I said before, arguments aren’t always fun or easy, but they don’t have to be shouting matches or mudslinging. They can be productive conversations that are good, healthy, and necessary to make a relationship stronger.

If you are experiencing arguments in your relationship and need some help getting them from angry and mean to loving and kind, please call to talk  512-931-4801